20 and 8 and Today

Twenty years ago.

That's the last time I can remember wearing jeans.

Honest to God, Button at the top, zip 'em up REAL Blue Jeans.

I can remember in junior high and high school, lying down on the bed and zipping up the jeans. We always wanted them to be so tight. The bigger I got, the tighter they got.

Then, college days came along and I got so big that the only jeans I could find were the ones that had elastic waists. Those were the kinds of pants that old ladies wore and as an 18- or 19-year old, I was NOT going to wear those.

I think that's when I went to wearing the tried and true black pants. The stretchy material ones that you find at Avenue. I have probably had 100's of pairs of these over the years - the same pants. Just different vintages. EVERY now and then, I'd get it in a color - green or blue. It's been my uniform for 20 years.

Yes, they are elastic-waisted - but they weren't "fake" jeans.

Eight years ago.

I had just moved to California and was shopping at an Avenue store on Beverly Blvd. They had a whole wall of blue jeans just sitting there - taunting me. They went up to the size I was wearing at the time. So I took one into the fitting room.

Now, blue jeans material doesn't have that special "give" that my tried and true black pants have - so they didn't even come close to fitting. But, in my never-ending attitude of "I'm going to lose this weight," I bought those jeans.

I lived in Hollywood at the time. Between now and then, those jeans have moved with me from Hollywood to Pasadena to Sherman Oaks to Plano (Apartment) and now to the Plano house.

They have always either sat there in a bureau drawer or hanging on a hanger in the closet - just waiting for me. Over the years, I've tested them. Each time, they were quietly folded or hung back up and put to the back of the bureau, the back of the closet - the back of my mind.

Today.

I was cleaning out my closets of the last of the things I had recently been told I can no longer wear because they are now too big. As I rifled through the spare closet, the jeans peeked out and caught my eye once again.

I grabbed that hanger and carried it to my room. I looked them up and down and thought - why not see how close you are now.

Today - for the first time in almost 20 years - I wore REAL blue jeans.

Today - I walked around the house in a pair of REAL blue jeans.*

Today - I SAT down in a pair of REAL blue jeans.

Today - I cried.

Tears of Joy!

Of course I was careful to not get the tears on those REAL blue jeans - in case they shrank!!



*I didn't wear them outside of the house 'cause I wanted Alek to be the first one to see me in a pair of jeans. He got the biggest grin on his face and gave me a big ol' smooch. He's so proud of me!

I found it!

I FINALLY understand the "Soft Stop." I now have 7.5 in my VG band and I've begun to "hear" the band saying "ENOUGH!" You are full - and you are full NOW.

It is completely different from getting stuck. I can get stuck after 1 bite. And I usually know what caused it - too much air 'cause I'm SO hungry to begin with that I gulp something down - or too little chewing - for much the same reason.

BUT, the Soft Stop thing is just what I always imagined being "Full" was like - but not yet stuffed. It's what I figure "normal" people feel.

Now - hearing and listening to that soft stop are two different things. I fight with the demons of "There's a bite on my fork - it needs to be eaten" and "I have to clean this plate." Even though that plate is one of my smaller plates - and it contains nowhere near what I used to put on a plate - I have to get over the fact that starving children are not going to benefit from me eating everything on that plate.

I'll get there - I AM getting there.

Dear Anonymous

Hi anonymous! Thanks for the cheers! I need them!

You won't be starving all of the time - yes, there will be days that you feel like that, but they are few and far between. Whereas before I would have an extra meal when I was "starving," now I can have a handful of almonds and everything is on an even keel again. BIG difference, huh?

Pills and/or vitamins - well, I just either crush them if they are crushable, break them in smaller pieces if possible or request them in liquid form from the pharmacy.

I don't know what happens when you get to your max fill. Most folks don't - I only know of one who has. She has a larger band (there are two sizes currently used in the U.S.) and they will eventually replace her larger band with the smaller one to give her more restriction.

The positives far outweigh the negatives as far as I'm concerned. The adjustability is what really won me over.

If you have any other questions feel free to email me - just click on my profile and link to my email address. I'm happy to talk about the pros and the cons of the band with anyone...

A short diversion to silliness

My Pirate name is Mad Bess Rackham.

Want to know yours, me Matey?

Go find out at What's my Pirate Name?

Fill #4 and a break in the plateau!

I went in this morning for my 4th fill. I now have 7.5cc's in my band. She pulled out what had put in there to make sure that everything was where it was supposed to be.

SCOR had told me when I went for Fill #3 that they had put 6.4 in there. Ruth at Dr. Maese's office today said that I had 7 in there. Don't think I'm taking on fluid through the tubing, so figure that SCOR told me wrong. Mistakes are made - oh well, as long as it's working!

Speaking of Working: I'm officially down 70 lbs!!! I'm doing a major happy dance today.

Prayers and Help for Hurricane Victims

Just a quick post as a prayer for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and their families.

Makes my "problems" seem so insignificant -

Remember, if you have any extra, donate to a reputable cause:

The Red Cross or Salvation Army website's direct link can be a bit overwhelmed at times - but links from your local newspapers and radio stations (i.e., Dallas Morning News or KLIF ) have direct links to back pages that may get you linked more quickly.

While we know that there are people out there who are hurting - don't forget the animals, too. You can give to help their rescue and recovery at ASPCA.

If you are contacted by a charity - or just want to check out the validity of one - go to the Guide Star page and you can determine for yourself whether or not the charity is worth sending your donation to!

Fill Scheduled

I broke down this morning and called Dr. Maese's office for a fill. (Just don't want to go back to SCOR for one - I feel like more than just a number coming through his office than I do coming through there.)

I go in at 9:30 am on Tuesday, September 13. I actually look forward to the restriction again!!

The foot is feeling better now - and I need to get back into the gym. Enough with the excuses.