Finally...

Ok - I've done it. I've made an appointment with Dr. J's office for my first fill in almost 9 months - or at least a check-up of the band.

Wednesday, September 6 - 1:30 pm - No Excuses!

Back on the Bandwagon...

Ok...so maybe I've been a little remiss in blogging this year. 2006 has evidently not been the year for following up on my bloggerly duties...

I've got reasons (er, excuses) - work work work - non-band related health issues....blah blah blah!

Mainly I haven't been blogging 'cause I've been majorly stuck in my weight loss journey - but I've wanted from the inception of this blog to keep it as real as possible...to give the ups and downs of the banding journey.

I've mostly given the ups - hey, that's what people want to hear, isn't it?

Well, as I said, I've spent the first half of this year with those scales moving - between the same 4 lbs. Up one week, down the next....in favor of being completely honest, some weeks they don't move at all!

My inches haven't shrunk since Christmas - my clothing size is the same. People tell me that I look smaller, but they are either seriously delusional, very nice OR, all of my inches have shifted so they give a different point of view to the viewer.

Why isn't this lap band working???

Guess what? It's doing exactly what it promised! I've just not been working it. I've not been to the filling station since January (I just love calling it that...tee hee) and I know I need to.

I've had way too many days of not being able to eat much of anything 'cause I'm either not being careful with my bites and they get stuck, or I've seriously irritated the crap out of the band and my stomach to the point that they are refusing to work with me that day.

I've had days where (because the tummy and band were telling me to play nice) the only thing that would go down were liquids - and did I choose the right liquids - or did I choose the milkshake 'cause it felt good on my throat? (Three guesses - and the first two don't count!)

I've had days where you could have driven a Mack Truck through the stoma and I've taken it for a test drive.

She is a fickle bitch and she likes to tease that part of my brain that hasn't quite been brainwashed about being banded yet.

Basically, I've taken a breather from the working o' the band for these 6 months...

But, it's not like I haven't paid attention to it, either. (She's hard to ignore!)

I've learned a lot about my journey - about practicing and believing what I preach...

I've learned that this WILL work...and that it DOES work. Long Term. I've not paid real attention to the band these six months - haven't gotten my fills like I should - and yet, here I am - six months later at the same basic weight that I was at my last doc's visit.

This is a HUGE victory for me! Any other diet - name one, I've probably been on it - whatever I've lost, the minute I take a breather from it, I find that all of those pounds that had basically gone on vacation have come back - only they had evidently been riding on a tour bus and found groupies along the way to join the crowd.

I've learned that just 'cause so and so never exercised a day in her banded journey (I'm not naming names, S.M.), doesn't mean that I don't have to explore that side of the track from time to time.

One of my excuses for not exercising has been this hip problem I have. It hurts so much that it's hard to do anything. I've started physical therapy now to help me find the things I can do - and help strengthen those muscles. I'm loving and hating it all at the same time - but I think just "loving" any kind of therapy/exercise is just the sign of a sick mind. (grin!)

I've learned that I can be humble - and admit when I've made mistakes along the way.

If there is anything that I can say is the most important part of the journey PreBand - that is to be patient. Your Band will be placed when it is right for it to be placed. I "fired" a surgeon early on in my journey because I didn't like the pace at which the process was flowing. I find it was one of the biggest "mistakes" of my banded life. While it's very important to have a great surgeon who is capable of doing the slicing and dicing, it's more important to have a great human behind that knife - one who is willing to provide care AFTER you get your band. One who provides some sort of support group so you can feel like you are not alone in your journey.

I'm a lucky one - that fired doc is willing to take me back as a fill patient. I just needed to look past the paperwork complications and towards the living with the band. I know that now.

I've needed a big time kick-start to getting me back on the "Band"wagon.

Today, I was sitting in my physical therapy appointment and Stephen had wrapped these weights around my ankles. They weighed 4 lbs. each. I was doing several reps of just sitting on the edge of the table and trying to lift my legs with this added weight. I thought, "MAN, who knew 8 lbs was so heavy!"

Then it hit me - I've lost 10 times that amount!! How DID I carry it all of those years???

Yep - I'm back on the bandwagon. I don't have a fill scheduled yet - but plan on making that call this week. Don't know when I can get in for it - but until then, I'm still going to be working it like I should!

Accountability

Good Sunday afternoon to all of you who are still there - sneaking an occasional peek to see if I'm still alive and kicking...I hope this day is as beautiful for you all as it has been for us here in North Central Texas. Absolutely outstanding!

So much time has gone by since my last real post - my one year bandiversary passed without a mention. Christmas and travels west to L.A. went by without tales being told. Work has been done - play has been had -

So here's the Cliff's Notes Version of my Bandiversary time:

On my Bandiversary - 12/08/05 - I had lost a total of 82 lbs. I had also lost a total of 47 inches from neck down to calves with the majority being in my waist (9.5 inches) and hips (8.5 inches).

I had to have an unfill in December because I couldn't do anything but take 2 bites and get stuck. He re-filled me in January and it's been up and down since then.

I've been fairly lax in the last few months - stress has been a major factor in my not focusing on losing weight. I've spent too much time so stressed out about other things (Not band related) that my band would tighted up and I couldn't eat. So I didn't. Or I ate whatever would go down easily - not worrying about nutritional aspects of what I was eating.

In doing that, I've hit a major plateau. I've lost a total of 4 lbs since that Bandiversary Date - and gained them back - and lost them and gained them and lost them. But, as I said, I know what I've done wrong and am working to get back on track.

I need to make myself accountable - to my band - to my health - to this blog - as silly as that last one sounds, I think it helps me wrap my head around what I'm doing wrong - and what I'm doing right.

Your job, dear friends, (I know - you didn't ask for this!) is to keep me accountable to it - keep me blogging...if I don't show up for a while, hound me to post. Even if it's about what I'm knitting at the moment. Writing is a cathartic experience for me - it calms my soul and makes me re-focus on what I'm doing.

So, I am still here...and still have this band inside of me - even though I've not used it as well as I should the last few months, it's still an amazing tool that has allowed me the time to take a little breather - and yet not gain the weight I would have if I'd been on any other plan.

Basically, right now, the plateau has been good for me. It's shown me that this Band is a tool that truly does work - but it's also been a time to let me come to the personal realization of what I preach to others - that I've got to be the one to plug it in and turn it on for it to accomplish it's goal. It might be a little rusty right now, but it's still in great shape and keeping things even while I get the gloves on and start cranking it up again.

Til next time -

Guess I should change that last entry, huh?

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post - and even longer since my last REAL post - about the banded life. Hope you haven't given up on me!

I'm still here - having a bit of a struggle right now with losing any weight - but don't want to get a fill because my band is reacting to outside stressors that have me tighter than a drum.

The great thing about it is that even though I'm not losing like gangbusters right now - I'm not gaining it all back. That's what would have happened in the past, that's for sure! I've been playing around with the same 5 lbs for a while now - but beyond that, I'm keeping steady.

Will write more soon - the ups and the downs.

I'm on the Nice List - Are you?

I was on Santa's nice list...but he took over my blog - so I deleted him.

A Momentous Flight to Austin and Back

Sorry I'm not posting that often right now - work has me so busy that the last thing I want to do is get on the computer when I get home.

BUT, I just had to share about my trip to Austin last Wednesday.

This had to be the best round-trip flight of my life...because when I got on that plane, I did a quick check to see where I was in the never-ending battle with the dreaded airplane seat belt...a battle I'm always on the losing end of.

This time - IT CLICKED!!! I didn't have to scout out the nearest flight attendant and ask for an extender. It just fit - and the arm slid down beside me and even with three people to the row on each flight, the only thing that made me uncomfortable was the copious amount booze the guy sitting next to me had obviously consumed prior to getting on the flight - perhaps so he could sleep and snore all over me on the way home...

Did I tell you? I took my first Yoga class last night...

Let me also tell you - I took my LAST yoga class last night.

NOT for me! (At least not right yet.) Maybe in another 100 lbs and MAYBE if my hip ever decides to play nice...

I did make it through 30 minutes of the torture session before they started moving - from floor to standing to floor to standing to squatting - all in rather rapid succession.

But for now, I'm leaving the yoga to Alek and will stick with the pool work and the treadmill and bike work.

No downward facing dog, no hero's pose, no warrior's pose, no whatever the heck other poses that woman tried to torture me with...UGH!

My mom did give me a Yoga for Klutzes book a while back. Maybe I'll ease my way into the whole thing with that someday.

Revisiting my NSV List

Way back when - when I started this journey - I put together my own list of Non-Scale Vistories (NSV's).

I've spent the last 3 weeks hating my band - it made my vacation not as pleasant as I would have liked - so I figured that I would see where my list is right now.

Things are progressing - maybe not as quickly as I'd like at times...but they ARE progressing!

Today I hit my mini-goal of -75 lbs! 11 months ago today I had this surgery - and know that if I hadn't, I would not be down 75 lbs.

My BMI has gone from 62.5 to 49.5 - under 50!!

Now to the next goal of 100 lbs gone!

NSV List

1. To ride roller coasters again. (Always has been my #1 reason. ha!)
2. To wear jeans – real zip-up, button at the top blue jeans DONE!
3. To let someone else be behind the camera for once (Of course, this will involve me giving up creative control over the pictures’ composition.)
4. To be able to scoot the car seat up out of the farthest position DONE!
5. To get on a plane and not have to surreptitiously ask the nearest flight attendant for an extender
6. To be able to tie my shoes like they were intended to be tied - and not where they are hanging off the side of the shoe for me to step on and untie when I’m exactly where I can’t easily re-tie them. (It’s a visual thing - know that I understand it…) DONE!
7. Have the “challenged” guy on the morning train talk to me (he only speaks to the “pretty girls”) (I know – why would I want the “challenged” guy to talk to me in the first place – it’s just that witty conversation starter he has – “You are so pretty…” ) DONE!
8. To be able to buy a ticket on Southwest Airlines without having to worry about whether or not they’ll submit me to the “Armrest Test.” (If it weren’t for the low prices on their flights, I honestly wouldn’t patronize them – since they are so patronizing to overweight people.)
9. To be able to go into Dillards or Macy’s and buy an outfit that fits right.
10. To walk into a restaurant and not worry about whether they have tables vs. booths DONE!
11. To be healthy enough to conceive a child, have a healthy pregnancy and birth and then be able to tote and run after that child
12. To have a major pillow fight with my nephew without getting winded or just giving up ‘cause I have no upper arm strength
13. To have the energy to work in the yard (Desire to work in the yard is a whole different subject.) DONE! LOVE working on my backyard pond!
14. Be thin enough to ride a horse again.
15. Be thin enough to take a helicopter ride without paying double.
16. To feel comfortable going out to clubs and concerts without worrying about the stares and seating. (Yes, this is a problem even with DH with me.)
17. Be able to take a bath vs. a shower at home (without having the bathroom redone to include a garden tub.)
18. Be able to take a bath in my Mom’s Jacuzzi tub without having my fat legs stop up the return suction.
19. Be able to get out of the car without moaning and groaning the whole way. DONE! MOST of the time...
20. Be able to take the stairs – not only when I have to – but when I just want to!
21. To not have to get the doctor or nurse to find the “large” BP cuff.
22. Be able to go on vacation and get the T-shirt – ‘cause it doesn’t matter whether or not the store carries the extended sizes. DONE!
23. To have clothes to bring to a clothing swap that others might be able to actually use
24. To be thin enough to determine whether or not my hip hurts because of the weight – or because of some other factors.

Liquid Lunches...and dinners...and breakfasts...

Went in yesterday morning to see if I could get an unfill after the problems on Sunday.

Dr. M wasn't in but Ruth - the Fill Tech - was there and did a Fluoroscope on me. The barium ran right through - so she sent me home with instructions for liquids for another 48 hours and no unfill. She said that I just have really good restriction.

Last night, I ate some soup (no pieces) and after one bite, I was in pain again.

This morning, it took forever to get a protein shake down.

If this is "Real" restriction, I don't know if I like it. I don't mind eating 1/4 - 1/3 of what I used to eat - but if I can only eat 1 Tablespoon, I'm not going to be happy!

I'm going on Vacation this week - and I want to be able to enjoy dinners with the family!

We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

Rough Sunday

Got up this morning and Alek and I hit a garage sale before going to breakfast and then on to church.

Found a beautiful set of Peal necklaces for 5 bucks. Three necklaces and a bracelet. Knotted in between each pearl. Quality strands - yes, I know they are fake pearls - but they are NICE fakes. (Also got a new game. It's been a good garage sale weekend - have a few things to show for less than $15.)

Then we get to breakfast. As usual, it's Aparicio's - but since this last fill, I've been a little tight. Last night at dinner, I had a piece of cheese first and that was all I could do. 1 stinkin' little piece of cheese. After packing up my 1/3 of the meal that we were sharing, I just asked for some of their soup to go. Once I was home, I was able to down the soup. My dinner still sits out there in the fridge.

So we get to Aparicio's this morning and I ask Perla for a cup of coffee - hoping to loosen up my band a bit before I tried to eat a bite or two of breakfast.

A bite or two would have been nice. I wasn't even able to drink the coffee!! And I'm just miserable...so I came home and have been lying down.

I called Cynthia and we talked about it and have decided that I'm going back into Dr. M's office tomorrow - just so I can have a little taken out. Not eating is one thing - not getting my caffeine is another!