I'm With The (Lap) Band

Finally...

2006-08-28T11:49:00.000-05:00

Ok - I've done it. I've made an appointment with Dr. J's office for my first fill in almost 9 months - or at least a check-up of the band.

Wednesday, September 6 - 1:30 pm - No Excuses!

Back on the Bandwagon...

2006-07-11T22:03:00.000-05:00

Ok...so maybe I've been a little remiss in blogging this year. 2006 has evidently not been the year for following up on my bloggerly duties...

I've got reasons (er, excuses) - work work work - non-band related health issues....blah blah blah!

Mainly I haven't been blogging 'cause I've been majorly stuck in my weight loss journey - but I've wanted from the inception of this blog to keep it as real as possible...to give the ups and downs of the banding journey.

I've mostly given the ups - hey, that's what people want to hear, isn't it?

Well, as I said, I've spent the first half of this year with those scales moving - between the same 4 lbs. Up one week, down the next....in favor of being completely honest, some weeks they don't move at all!

My inches haven't shrunk since Christmas - my clothing size is the same. People tell me that I look smaller, but they are either seriously delusional, very nice OR, all of my inches have shifted so they give a different point of view to the viewer.

Why isn't this lap band working???

Guess what? It's doing exactly what it promised! I've just not been working it. I've not been to the filling station since January (I just love calling it that...tee hee) and I know I need to.

I've had way too many days of not being able to eat much of anything 'cause I'm either not being careful with my bites and they get stuck, or I've seriously irritated the crap out of the band and my stomach to the point that they are refusing to work with me that day.

I've had days where (because the tummy and band were telling me to play nice) the only thing that would go down were liquids - and did I choose the right liquids - or did I choose the milkshake 'cause it felt good on my throat? (Three guesses - and the first two don't count!)

I've had days where you could have driven a Mack Truck through the stoma and I've taken it for a test drive.

She is a fickle bitch and she likes to tease that part of my brain that hasn't quite been brainwashed about being banded yet.

Basically, I've taken a breather from the working o' the band for these 6 months...

But, it's not like I haven't paid attention to it, either. (She's hard to ignore!)

I've learned a lot about my journey - about practicing and believing what I preach...

I've learned that this WILL work...and that it DOES work. Long Term. I've not paid real attention to the band these six months - haven't gotten my fills like I should - and yet, here I am - six months later at the same basic weight that I was at my last doc's visit.

This is a HUGE victory for me! Any other diet - name one, I've probably been on it - whatever I've lost, the minute I take a breather from it, I find that all of those pounds that had basically gone on vacation have come back - only they had evidently been riding on a tour bus and found groupies along the way to join the crowd.

I've learned that just 'cause so and so never exercised a day in her banded journey (I'm not naming names, S.M.), doesn't mean that I don't have to explore that side of the track from time to time.

One of my excuses for not exercising has been this hip problem I have. It hurts so much that it's hard to do anything. I've started physical therapy now to help me find the things I can do - and help strengthen those muscles. I'm loving and hating it all at the same time - but I think just "loving" any kind of therapy/exercise is just the sign of a sick mind. (grin!)

I've learned that I can be humble - and admit when I've made mistakes along the way.

If there is anything that I can say is the most important part of the journey PreBand - that is to be patient. Your Band will be placed when it is right for it to be placed. I "fired" a surgeon early on in my journey because I didn't like the pace at which the process was flowing. I find it was one of the biggest "mistakes" of my banded life. While it's very important to have a great surgeon who is capable of doing the slicing and dicing, it's more important to have a great human behind that knife - one who is willing to provide care AFTER you get your band. One who provides some sort of support group so you can feel like you are not alone in your journey.

I'm a lucky one - that fired doc is willing to take me back as a fill patient. I just needed to look past the paperwork complications and towards the living with the band. I know that now.

I've needed a big time kick-start to getting me back on the "Band"wagon.

Today, I was sitting in my physical therapy appointment and Stephen had wrapped these weights around my ankles. They weighed 4 lbs. each. I was doing several reps of just sitting on the edge of the table and trying to lift my legs with this added weight. I thought, "MAN, who knew 8 lbs was so heavy!"

Then it hit me - I've lost 10 times that amount!! How DID I carry it all of those years???

Yep - I'm back on the bandwagon. I don't have a fill scheduled yet - but plan on making that call this week. Don't know when I can get in for it - but until then, I'm still going to be working it like I should!

Accountability

2006-04-02T17:42:00.000-05:00

Good Sunday afternoon to all of you who are still there - sneaking an occasional peek to see if I'm still alive and kicking...I hope this day is as beautiful for you all as it has been for us here in North Central Texas. Absolutely outstanding!

So much time has gone by since my last real post - my one year bandiversary passed without a mention. Christmas and travels west to L.A. went by without tales being told. Work has been done - play has been had -

So here's the Cliff's Notes Version of my Bandiversary time:

On my Bandiversary - 12/08/05 - I had lost a total of 82 lbs. I had also lost a total of 47 inches from neck down to calves with the majority being in my waist (9.5 inches) and hips (8.5 inches).

I had to have an unfill in December because I couldn't do anything but take 2 bites and get stuck. He re-filled me in January and it's been up and down since then.

I've been fairly lax in the last few months - stress has been a major factor in my not focusing on losing weight. I've spent too much time so stressed out about other things (Not band related) that my band would tighted up and I couldn't eat. So I didn't. Or I ate whatever would go down easily - not worrying about nutritional aspects of what I was eating.

In doing that, I've hit a major plateau. I've lost a total of 4 lbs since that Bandiversary Date - and gained them back - and lost them and gained them and lost them. But, as I said, I know what I've done wrong and am working to get back on track.

I need to make myself accountable - to my band - to my health - to this blog - as silly as that last one sounds, I think it helps me wrap my head around what I'm doing wrong - and what I'm doing right.

Your job, dear friends, (I know - you didn't ask for this!) is to keep me accountable to it - keep me blogging...if I don't show up for a while, hound me to post. Even if it's about what I'm knitting at the moment. Writing is a cathartic experience for me - it calms my soul and makes me re-focus on what I'm doing.

So, I am still here...and still have this band inside of me - even though I've not used it as well as I should the last few months, it's still an amazing tool that has allowed me the time to take a little breather - and yet not gain the weight I would have if I'd been on any other plan.

Basically, right now, the plateau has been good for me. It's shown me that this Band is a tool that truly does work - but it's also been a time to let me come to the personal realization of what I preach to others - that I've got to be the one to plug it in and turn it on for it to accomplish it's goal. It might be a little rusty right now, but it's still in great shape and keeping things even while I get the gloves on and start cranking it up again.

Til next time -

Guess I should change that last entry, huh?

2006-03-27T08:05:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post - and even longer since my last REAL post - about the banded life. Hope you haven't given up on me!

I'm still here - having a bit of a struggle right now with losing any weight - but don't want to get a fill because my band is reacting to outside stressors that have me tighter than a drum.

The great thing about it is that even though I'm not losing like gangbusters right now - I'm not gaining it all back. That's what would have happened in the past, that's for sure! I've been playing around with the same 5 lbs for a while now - but beyond that, I'm keeping steady.

Will write more soon - the ups and the downs.

I'm on the Nice List - Are you?

2005-12-19T12:45:00.000-06:00

I was on Santa's nice list...but he took over my blog - so I deleted him.

A Momentous Flight to Austin and Back

2005-12-04T19:40:00.000-06:00

Sorry I'm not posting that often right now - work has me so busy that the last thing I want to do is get on the computer when I get home.

BUT, I just had to share about my trip to Austin last Wednesday.

This had to be the best round-trip flight of my life...because when I got on that plane, I did a quick check to see where I was in the never-ending battle with the dreaded airplane seat belt...a battle I'm always on the losing end of.

This time - IT CLICKED!!! I didn't have to scout out the nearest flight attendant and ask for an extender. It just fit - and the arm slid down beside me and even with three people to the row on each flight, the only thing that made me uncomfortable was the copious amount booze the guy sitting next to me had obviously consumed prior to getting on the flight - perhaps so he could sleep and snore all over me on the way home...

Did I tell you? I took my first Yoga class last night...

2005-11-10T08:06:00.000-06:00

Let me also tell you - I took my LAST yoga class last night.

NOT for me! (At least not right yet.) Maybe in another 100 lbs and MAYBE if my hip ever decides to play nice...

I did make it through 30 minutes of the torture session before they started moving - from floor to standing to floor to standing to squatting - all in rather rapid succession.

But for now, I'm leaving the yoga to Alek and will stick with the pool work and the treadmill and bike work.

No downward facing dog, no hero's pose, no warrior's pose, no whatever the heck other poses that woman tried to torture me with...UGH!

My mom did give me a Yoga for Klutzes book a while back. Maybe I'll ease my way into the whole thing with that someday.

Revisiting my NSV List

2005-11-09T16:00:00.000-06:00

Way back when - when I started this journey - I put together my own list of Non-Scale Vistories (NSV's).

I've spent the last 3 weeks hating my band - it made my vacation not as pleasant as I would have liked - so I figured that I would see where my list is right now.

Things are progressing - maybe not as quickly as I'd like at times...but they ARE progressing!

Today I hit my mini-goal of -75 lbs! 11 months ago today I had this surgery - and know that if I hadn't, I would not be down 75 lbs.

My BMI has gone from 62.5 to 49.5 - under 50!!

Now to the next goal of 100 lbs gone!

NSV List

1. To ride roller coasters again. (Always has been my #1 reason. ha!)
2. To wear jeans – real zip-up, button at the top blue jeans DONE!
3. To let someone else be behind the camera for once (Of course, this will involve me giving up creative control over the pictures’ composition.)
4. To be able to scoot the car seat up out of the farthest position DONE!
5. To get on a plane and not have to surreptitiously ask the nearest flight attendant for an extender
6. To be able to tie my shoes like they were intended to be tied - and not where they are hanging off the side of the shoe for me to step on and untie when I’m exactly where I can’t easily re-tie them. (It’s a visual thing - know that I understand it…) DONE!
7. Have the “challenged” guy on the morning train talk to me (he only speaks to the “pretty girls”) (I know – why would I want the “challenged” guy to talk to me in the first place – it’s just that witty conversation starter he has – “You are so pretty…” ) DONE!
8. To be able to buy a ticket on Southwest Airlines without having to worry about whether or not they’ll submit me to the “Armrest Test.” (If it weren’t for the low prices on their flights, I honestly wouldn’t patronize them – since they are so patronizing to overweight people.)
9. To be able to go into Dillards or Macy’s and buy an outfit that fits right.
10. To walk into a restaurant and not worry about whether they have tables vs. booths DONE!
11. To be healthy enough to conceive a child, have a healthy pregnancy and birth and then be able to tote and run after that child
12. To have a major pillow fight with my nephew without getting winded or just giving up ‘cause I have no upper arm strength
13. To have the energy to work in the yard (Desire to work in the yard is a whole different subject.) DONE! LOVE working on my backyard pond!
14. Be thin enough to ride a horse again.
15. Be thin enough to take a helicopter ride without paying double.
16. To feel comfortable going out to clubs and concerts without worrying about the stares and seating. (Yes, this is a problem even with DH with me.)
17. Be able to take a bath vs. a shower at home (without having the bathroom redone to include a garden tub.)
18. Be able to take a bath in my Mom’s Jacuzzi tub without having my fat legs stop up the return suction.
19. Be able to get out of the car without moaning and groaning the whole way. DONE! MOST of the time...
20. Be able to take the stairs – not only when I have to – but when I just want to!
21. To not have to get the doctor or nurse to find the “large” BP cuff.
22. Be able to go on vacation and get the T-shirt – ‘cause it doesn’t matter whether or not the store carries the extended sizes. DONE!
23. To have clothes to bring to a clothing swap that others might be able to actually use
24. To be thin enough to determine whether or not my hip hurts because of the weight – or because of some other factors.

Liquid Lunches...and dinners...and breakfasts...

2005-10-25T13:10:00.000-05:00

Went in yesterday morning to see if I could get an unfill after the problems on Sunday.

Dr. M wasn't in but Ruth - the Fill Tech - was there and did a Fluoroscope on me. The barium ran right through - so she sent me home with instructions for liquids for another 48 hours and no unfill. She said that I just have really good restriction.

Last night, I ate some soup (no pieces) and after one bite, I was in pain again.

This morning, it took forever to get a protein shake down.

If this is "Real" restriction, I don't know if I like it. I don't mind eating 1/4 - 1/3 of what I used to eat - but if I can only eat 1 Tablespoon, I'm not going to be happy!

I'm going on Vacation this week - and I want to be able to enjoy dinners with the family!

We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

Rough Sunday

2005-10-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

Got up this morning and Alek and I hit a garage sale before going to breakfast and then on to church.

Found a beautiful set of Peal necklaces for 5 bucks. Three necklaces and a bracelet. Knotted in between each pearl. Quality strands - yes, I know they are fake pearls - but they are NICE fakes. (Also got a new game. It's been a good garage sale weekend - have a few things to show for less than $15.)

Then we get to breakfast. As usual, it's Aparicio's - but since this last fill, I've been a little tight. Last night at dinner, I had a piece of cheese first and that was all I could do. 1 stinkin' little piece of cheese. After packing up my 1/3 of the meal that we were sharing, I just asked for some of their soup to go. Once I was home, I was able to down the soup. My dinner still sits out there in the fridge.

So we get to Aparicio's this morning and I ask Perla for a cup of coffee - hoping to loosen up my band a bit before I tried to eat a bite or two of breakfast.

A bite or two would have been nice. I wasn't even able to drink the coffee!! And I'm just miserable...so I came home and have been lying down.

I called Cynthia and we talked about it and have decided that I'm going back into Dr. M's office tomorrow - just so I can have a little taken out. Not eating is one thing - not getting my caffeine is another!

Fill #5

2005-10-19T16:28:00.000-05:00

When I got on the scales at Dr. Maese's office this morning, they said the same thing that they said on September 13 when I went in for Fill #4. UGH!

(I'm still counting the 3 lbs that my "regular" scales say I've lost!) OF course, after the last two days of being able to eat any and everything - AND DOING IT - I don't doubt I've gained back that three pounds. Don't know what it was this week...

Otherwise, though, I know I've gone down in size on clothing and portion size. Energy is up, too. BP was 102/65.

When the nurse took my weight and saw I hadn't lost, the best thing she could have done for me was say "You've got the larger band - so it can take 'til you're more filled than you are - but WAIT...look at how much you've lost!!" Think her name was Ruby - and now I love her!

We'll get there - it's just a journey that's sometimes made in the fast lane - and other times - like for me right now - it's down a long country road behind a Sunday driver.

(Fill #5 - at 8cc's in the VG Band - Down 73 lbs. I'm still lovin' this band!)

Walking the State Fair

2005-10-10T11:29:00.000-05:00

Alek & I took our 8 year old nephew (Matt) to the Fair with us for a couple of hours while Mama went to a church up in Frisco.

While we were looking at the map of the fairgrounds so I could tell her which gate to meet us at, I caught a glimpse of who was going to be at the fair yesterday.

One of the things Matt loves to do with his Daddy is watch this show called "Mail Call" on the History Channel. Not sure exactly what it's about, but this old Marine is the host of the show. Matt LOVES the Mail Call guy (R. Lee Ermey). The Mail Call Guy was at the Fair yesterday from 10 - noon. It was 10:30 when we left the house.

I wouldn't tell Matt who we might see - didn't want to disappoint him - because I didn't know if we could make it there by noon. Thankfully, I know backroads ('cause I'm the Navigation Queen) and we parked in almost the last row available on the back lot. We parked at 11:05. By the time we got wanded into the ticket line, stood in line for tickets and got through the gate, it was 11:16. I thought, there is no way we're going to make it to that building by noon. It was on the exact opposite side of the fair from where we were.

I grabbed Matt's hand and we started barrelling through the fairgrounds - that's just the best way to describe it...barrelling through. I couldn't believe it that I had him standing in front of Mail Call Guy at 11:33. The look on that little boy's face when he realized who it was was PRICELESS!

There is NO WAY I could have made that distance in 17 minutes a year and 73 pounds ago...and if I had, there is no way I would have made it through another 8 1/2 hours at the fair before telling Alek - I'm ready to go home.

Across the parking lot - where I thought there would be a tram to the car - there wasn't - Alek kept telling me that I could make it...I wasn't convinced. I was so tired and sore - and couldn't get out of the chair to go to bed last night - but I did it.

Now I want to know how far I walked! There were signs up saying that you could get that info somewhere in the park - but I never found it.

I wished I had had my pedometer on me...

Today’s Forecast: Clouds of Frustration with a Slight Ray of Hope

2005-10-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

I have decided that I am a person who should not set goals for myself. Well, weight loss goals that is. I seem to do fine with most other goals…

No matter how well I’m doing up to a point – I get to the point where I say “Oh, I want to be this certain weight by Day X.” Invariably, I approach Day X and am nowhere near that goal. There is something in me that sabotages my achieving that goal. And I get frustrated.

Right now, I’m frustrated. I wanted to hit my 75 pound loss mark by my birthday. My birthday is Saturday – and I’m anywhere between 3 and 5 pounds away from hitting that mark. It’s not THAT much of an amount to fall short with – but it’s still falling short of that goal.

I know I’m going to hit that weight loss – have no doubts about that. Maybe I just need to quit associating dates with the goals. Maybe it’s the DATES that are bad. That’s it!

I thought this last fill would last me – but I know I’m able to eat way too much now, so I’ve bit the bullet and scheduled a fill with Dr. M on the 19th. That will let me get past my birthday – and will give me time to get used to the fill before I go on vacation on the 28th.

Funny enough, the ray of hope in all of this started out as a frustration.

I often work on work stuff on the train on my way into work – it’s just a jumpstart on my day. I’m able to go through some things that are tedious little bits of the work I do and get it knocked out while there aren’t any phones ringing or emails to answer.

When I’m working on these reports, I have a folder that I use as a lap desk and I prop it onto the back of the seat in front of me to give it some stability. That way I can use the one hand to hold the report and folder and the other hand to go through the information sheets that I use to check the little factoids in my reports.

This morning, I was sitting there and NOTHING was balancing right. Tuesday morning when I was doing this, I couldn’t get it balanced right, either – made even more frustrating by the fact that in my trying to get situated, the folder got turned the wrong way and I dropped all of my papers on the floor of the crowded train. This morning, I was determined that I wasn’t going to drop everything again.

I made a quick adjustment in the seat and it HIT me – things weren’t balancing because I don’t have as much of a stomach now TO balance my work on!!

I know the guy who was sitting in the seat with me was wondering what this chick kept giggling about ‘cause I giggled to myself all the way into work.

20 and 8 and Today

2005-09-24T21:59:00.000-05:00

Twenty years ago.

That's the last time I can remember wearing jeans.

Honest to God, Button at the top, zip 'em up REAL Blue Jeans.

I can remember in junior high and high school, lying down on the bed and zipping up the jeans. We always wanted them to be so tight. The bigger I got, the tighter they got.

Then, college days came along and I got so big that the only jeans I could find were the ones that had elastic waists. Those were the kinds of pants that old ladies wore and as an 18- or 19-year old, I was NOT going to wear those.

I think that's when I went to wearing the tried and true black pants. The stretchy material ones that you find at Avenue. I have probably had 100's of pairs of these over the years - the same pants. Just different vintages. EVERY now and then, I'd get it in a color - green or blue. It's been my uniform for 20 years.

Yes, they are elastic-waisted - but they weren't "fake" jeans.

Eight years ago.

I had just moved to California and was shopping at an Avenue store on Beverly Blvd. They had a whole wall of blue jeans just sitting there - taunting me. They went up to the size I was wearing at the time. So I took one into the fitting room.

Now, blue jeans material doesn't have that special "give" that my tried and true black pants have - so they didn't even come close to fitting. But, in my never-ending attitude of "I'm going to lose this weight," I bought those jeans.

I lived in Hollywood at the time. Between now and then, those jeans have moved with me from Hollywood to Pasadena to Sherman Oaks to Plano (Apartment) and now to the Plano house.

They have always either sat there in a bureau drawer or hanging on a hanger in the closet - just waiting for me. Over the years, I've tested them. Each time, they were quietly folded or hung back up and put to the back of the bureau, the back of the closet - the back of my mind.

Today.

I was cleaning out my closets of the last of the things I had recently been told I can no longer wear because they are now too big. As I rifled through the spare closet, the jeans peeked out and caught my eye once again.

I grabbed that hanger and carried it to my room. I looked them up and down and thought - why not see how close you are now.

Today - for the first time in almost 20 years - I wore REAL blue jeans.

Today - I walked around the house in a pair of REAL blue jeans.*

Today - I SAT down in a pair of REAL blue jeans.

Today - I cried.

Tears of Joy!

Of course I was careful to not get the tears on those REAL blue jeans - in case they shrank!!

*I didn't wear them outside of the house 'cause I wanted Alek to be the first one to see me in a pair of jeans. He got the biggest grin on his face and gave me a big ol' smooch. He's so proud of me!

I found it!

2005-09-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

I FINALLY understand the "Soft Stop." I now have 7.5 in my VG band and I've begun to "hear" the band saying "ENOUGH!" You are full - and you are full NOW.

It is completely different from getting stuck. I can get stuck after 1 bite. And I usually know what caused it - too much air 'cause I'm SO hungry to begin with that I gulp something down - or too little chewing - for much the same reason.

BUT, the Soft Stop thing is just what I always imagined being "Full" was like - but not yet stuffed. It's what I figure "normal" people feel.

Now - hearing and listening to that soft stop are two different things. I fight with the demons of "There's a bite on my fork - it needs to be eaten" and "I have to clean this plate." Even though that plate is one of my smaller plates - and it contains nowhere near what I used to put on a plate - I have to get over the fact that starving children are not going to benefit from me eating everything on that plate.

I'll get there - I AM getting there.

Dear Anonymous

2005-09-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hi anonymous! Thanks for the cheers! I need them!

You won't be starving all of the time - yes, there will be days that you feel like that, but they are few and far between. Whereas before I would have an extra meal when I was "starving," now I can have a handful of almonds and everything is on an even keel again. BIG difference, huh?

Pills and/or vitamins - well, I just either crush them if they are crushable, break them in smaller pieces if possible or request them in liquid form from the pharmacy.

I don't know what happens when you get to your max fill. Most folks don't - I only know of one who has. She has a larger band (there are two sizes currently used in the U.S.) and they will eventually replace her larger band with the smaller one to give her more restriction.

The positives far outweigh the negatives as far as I'm concerned. The adjustability is what really won me over.

If you have any other questions feel free to email me - just click on my profile and link to my email address. I'm happy to talk about the pros and the cons of the band with anyone...

A short diversion to silliness

2005-09-22T00:49:00.000-05:00

My Pirate name is Mad Bess Rackham.

Want to know yours, me Matey?

Go find out at What's my Pirate Name?

Fill #4 and a break in the plateau!

2005-09-13T17:39:00.000-05:00

I went in this morning for my 4th fill. I now have 7.5cc's in my band. She pulled out what had put in there to make sure that everything was where it was supposed to be.

SCOR had told me when I went for Fill #3 that they had put 6.4 in there. Ruth at Dr. Maese's office today said that I had 7 in there. Don't think I'm taking on fluid through the tubing, so figure that SCOR told me wrong. Mistakes are made - oh well, as long as it's working!

Speaking of Working: I'm officially down 70 lbs!!! I'm doing a major happy dance today.

Prayers and Help for Hurricane Victims

2005-09-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post as a prayer for the victims of Hurricane Katrina and their families.

Makes my "problems" seem so insignificant -

Remember, if you have any extra, donate to a reputable cause:

The Red Cross or Salvation Army website's direct link can be a bit overwhelmed at times - but links from your local newspapers and radio stations (i.e., Dallas Morning News or KLIF ) have direct links to back pages that may get you linked more quickly.

While we know that there are people out there who are hurting - don't forget the animals, too. You can give to help their rescue and recovery at ASPCA.

If you are contacted by a charity - or just want to check out the validity of one - go to the Guide Star page and you can determine for yourself whether or not the charity is worth sending your donation to!

Fill Scheduled

2005-09-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

I broke down this morning and called Dr. Maese's office for a fill. (Just don't want to go back to SCOR for one - I feel like more than just a number coming through his office than I do coming through there.)

I go in at 9:30 am on Tuesday, September 13. I actually look forward to the restriction again!!

The foot is feeling better now - and I need to get back into the gym. Enough with the excuses.

Perspective

2005-08-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

Got back to my house from my NY trip at 2 am this morning...who knew it took so long to get a darn taxi at DFW airport.

The week in NYC was very productive - the work assignment - testing a new system for our company - was actually quite fun. And I enjoyed the people I was working with - so bonus!

After injuring my foot last week, I was concerned about how I'd hobble through the City - and whether or not I'd drive my co-workers crazy with my slowness.

It's kind of cool - I was able to get around better than I thought. The first day, I didn't go anywhere 'cause by the time I got to NYC, I had a fever and chills and thought, "What did I catch at that hospital??"

I spent my day "off" on Sunday sleeping in the hotel - with a major thunderstorm for entertainment. (You know I love 'em!)

Got up Monday morning and cabbed it down to Chelsea for work and walked a little bit through Chelsea Market so I could go to the Ronnybrook Dairy to get my yogurt. Walked over there at lunch with the group, too.

After dinner that night, we walked a few blocks down Broadway before I just couldn't do it anymore and we got a cab back to the hotel.

Tuesday, I walked a block to the restaurant we had lunch at - and then for dinner, walked about 6 city blocks to the Turkish place we had dinner AND walked back, too.

I iced the foot down each night - love the little packs the Roosevelt's security officers brought me! - but by yesterday, I was walking through the airport - still with a limp, but I felt much more like me.

Why "Perspective"? Because even though my goofy scale hasn't moved in weeks - and even though I can't tell a whole lot of weight loss has gone on in this body in months - I don't think I ever would have been able to be up and around like I have been on this foot THIS quickly without having lost that 65 lbs...

I keep reminding myself...evidently, I really need the reminding....

This is what I get for even THINKING about buying another purse!

2005-08-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

So I'm heading to NYC for work next week.

The only flight that wasn't astronomically priced has me leaving here at 6:45 am on Sunday morning - getting to Newark (of all places) at 1 pm. I thought - ok, I'll get to town, check in and then head out to walk around Chinatown and find me a purse I might like...and just stroll around the city before I have to get up and go to work on Monday morning.

I come home last night from a dinner with friends and I'm doin' something nice by freecycling a shoe rack. I get the shoe rack to put out on the porch for this gal's daughter to pick up and BAM! I'm closer to the step than I realize - or I just momentarily forgot it was there - and POP! MAJOR Pain...there goes my right foot!

I iced it and slept with it propped - and after a day at work where it just didn't get any better - I finally spent the latter part of the afternoon in the ER having an X-Ray of the sucker. (Love that Presby Hospital in Allen - great staff! Cute doctor.)

Thankfully, I have no broken bones - just a major sprain with some of the ligaments torn (I think that's actually the same thing) - but I can't do my newly started exercise routine for 3-6 weeks. At least I can still swim - but I can't do all of my water aerobics things, either. Ugh!

The doc wanted me on crutches - but I'm not coordinated enough to walk with them. I'm going to try to get a cane somewhere. Otherwise, It's just icing it for 72 hours (which will be fun to try to accomplish on a flight with a sprint from one plane to the next on a short Chicago layover), keeping it elevated (which the people on my flight are going to really enjoy) and taking the Vicodin (yay!) when I need it.

Worst of all - I can't walk to get my new purse.

Alek will be so disappointed in that. NOT! (Hey, maybe he moved that step...)

Probably need a fill

2005-08-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm so hungry these days. I truly feel like I could eat the wallpaper off the walls - well, if I had wallpaper, I could!

I don't know if it's just boredom or what.

Not that I'm not busy - have plenty to do.

I need to keep my knitting handy - keep working on projects. That's why I took it up, huh? To keep my hands busy and out of the kitchen.

Commercials are murder. I see things - or hear someone mention something - and BOOM! My mind has wandered into the kitchen or pantry. I do try to not let my body follow! Some days I'm better at it than others.

I know I need a fill. It's been almost 3 months since Fill #3 and I've not lost the weight I know I should have in that time. I haven't lost a pound in weeks - I also am aware that things "average out." Since that fill, I'm down 14 lbs that I know of. Now that I type that out, that averages out to a little more than 1 lb per week - so, not too bad. I know - I need to work on my "I want this now" part of my mind.

I did do my 8 month out measurements this past weekend and have lost another 9 inches all over - for a grand total loss of 46.5 inches.

It's just that I have this little deadline in my brain. I'm 10 lbs away from where I want to be by my birthday. My birthday is October 8 - so 2 months from today I want to be at -75 pounds. 10 pounds by then is COMPLETELY doable! I just have to wrap my mind around it, stay out of the kitchen and get back in that gym.

I'd try to get a fill this week, but I have a trip to NYC next week. Eating out every meal is always a challenge - and having to do mushies or liquids during that time is not easy. Plus - I enjoy the different restaurants there. Funny I say that - and yet, most of my favorite "meals" are soups from Hale & Hearty and this yogurt drink from the dairy - both in Chelsea Market across the street from the office. I could have a fill and still eat in NYC.

Besides NYC, though, in the next month I have my Mother in law coming for a visit (she's a great cook), a short trip to the lake for Labor Day (cooking out on the grill) and my 20th High School Reunion to (maybe) attend.

I can find excuses EVERYWHERE for not going in to get a fill. I need to quit making them and just do it.

Nope...they didn't band my brain. I'm still a foodie.

A Day for NSVs!!

2005-07-31T22:49:00.000-05:00

Alek and I went to Turner Falls up in Oklahoma today and it was a day of NSVs*...

1. I walked about a quarter of a mile down a creek - zig-zagging and climbing through rocks. Then we got out and walked up the road back to the car. Before, I wouldn't have ventured past about 10 feet from where the car was parked - and if I did, Alek would have had to go get the car and bring it to me.

Today, I actually offered to go get the car for him because he was barefoot.

2. After we played in the upper creek, we went down the hill to play in the cascade pond. We rode the shuttle down the hill - but we got off at the first shuttle stop at the bottom of the hill and walked all of the way back to the falls and didn't catch the shuttle tram that takes you down to that area. We walked all the way back, too! (AFTER playing/swimming in the water for about 45 minutes.)

3. All this time, I was walking around in my swimsuit and water shoes and nothing else. I didn't have the "I have to cover this body up" coverup on...and I didn't mind it!!

4. As we were leaving, my brother called and wanted us to come help them get the last of the stuff out of the house they are moving out of - and, although I took a nap while he went to get the U-Haul, I finished packing up his house and helped pack the truck and trailer and my car with the stuff - and I'm tired - but I'm not worn out!

AND the BEST NSV of the Day:

5. Alek and I were swimming in the cascade pond and we were looking at the waterfalls and he put his arms around me and could LACE HIS FINGERS TOGETHER around me!!! I couldn't believe it - I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo excited!!!

I need these days - 'cause the scales aren't moving very much right now - but SOMETHING's working!!!

*NSV = Non Scale Victory

The Weight before Vacation

2005-07-17T10:57:00.000-05:00

Just a note to say I'm now down 65 lbs! I'm within 10 pounds of my first goal - which I had hoped to hit by my birthday on October 8th! I know I can do this now!!

We leave for vacation on the 19th - going to Branson, Missouri - and am hoping to stay the course and continue losing. Vacation time is such a hard time to lose on - but I'll try!

I'm just about average!

2005-07-06T13:35:00.000-05:00

I hit the 60 lb down mark on Saturday! My 7 month mark is Friday and the average for that time is between 28 and 56 lbs. With the amount I have to lose, I should be above that average - and I'm "just" above it -

Very happy with my progress! Just need to get back in the gym now - hey, it's paid for and I should look at it as "entertainment!"

Happy July, everyone!!

It's been a good day!

2005-06-27T22:53:00.000-05:00

A couple of NSV* type things happened today...

1. I was walking through the tunnels downtown at lunch and walked past a store that had a mirrored front. For the first time in this journey, I could SEE that I had lost some weight. I had to do a double take and smile!

2. I was sitting here at the ol' 'puter just now and reached up to scratch an itch and realized that for the first time in recent memory, I can feel my collar bones!!

Kinda cool - and just had to share!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

(As of a week ago - down 58 lbs.)

*NSV = Non-Scale Victories

The ONE Campaign

2005-06-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

The ONE Campaign

The ONE Campaign is a new effort to rally Americans to fight the emergency of global AIDS and extreme poverty. Each ONE of us can make a difference. Together as ONE we can change the world.

We can beat:

AIDS
Starvation
Extreme poverty

ONE billion people live on less than ONE dollar a day.

ONE by ONE, we can help them help themselves.

It's simple to sign the petition - no money required - just a message to the President that THIS is a fight that we WANT to be fought!!

www.one.org

Shhhh....

2005-05-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

I'm sick right now. Ok...normally, this wouldn't be something to cheer about. BUT, this continued fever I have caused by a bad case of bronchitis (is there ever a good case ) made me go visit my Primary Care Physician.

This is the man who after I had lost several pounds on Weight Watchers thought I wasn't losing fast enough. We had a "Come to Jesus" meeting about my weight and he's been much more supportive once I convinced him that the number on the scale wasn't the whole story. (That was the day I refused to stand on the scale for him or his nurse. He wanted to know for "his records" and I told him that I felt like he was focusing too hard on the numbers and not enough on everything else - i.e., clothes fitting better, my breathing being better, etc.)

He was very supportive of my surgery and was anxious to follow up with me to see how I've been doing. I haven't been to him since banding and today was that day.

When I got there, the nurse just directed me to the exam room and did the BP (116/84) and Pulse (74).

When he came in, the first thing he said was "Did you go through with the surgery?" When I said yes, he said, "Well, let's see how you are doing." So we went in there.

Let me say - I love his scales. I weighed in on his scales today - and I think they were jumping up and down more than I was!! By his scale, I am down 57 lbs and am below a point I've not been below in probably 10 years or more.

The "shhh..." comes about because after 10 years of being on Weight Watchers and various and sundry other diet programs, I have always gotten to this particular weight and it's at that exact point that I give up, get bored, go back to my old ways. I've lost from my high point (which is the normal point that I get to before I say "Whoa, I've GOT to do SOMETHING") down to this exact weight (which is the normal point I get to when I say, "Whoo hoo, I don't need to pay for this support anymore, I've got this thing licked! - and then start lickin' the ice cream cones again - and not the skinny cow variety).

Now I'm sayin' Shhhh....'cause I'm not wanting to wake up that part of my brain that says "Nope...don't need this anymore." I know I don't have this thing licked yet...but you know what? I have got the GREATEST tool in the world to help me lick it.

NYC to LA and Back Home

2005-05-13T15:28:00.000-05:00

Spent a busy couple of weeks away from home - living in hotels and eating in restaurants.

I used to love this - but this time, I just knew I'd come back with about 40 of the pounds I'd lost back on me. I ate well - in NYC at several Italian restaurants (where I learned Italian doesn't have to mean Pasta!) - and in LA - at most of my favorite places (Pastrami at Abe's Deli, Dinner at Seoul Jung Korean BBQ, Tapas at Cafe TuTu Tango and Gnocchi at Ciao!)

Best of all was the home cooking from my Mother in law and the Persian/Armenian food with the family and friends. Just can't beat it!

After eating my way 'cross country, I managed to even lose a pound - not gaining the 40 it felt like. I guess I just get full on much less these days.

I'll bet if I had been able (willing?) to get out and exercise, I might have lost even more!

Oh well. Down 51 and counting... I'm definitely NOT complaining!

Weekend Away

2005-04-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

Just spent a wonderful weekend in Indiana with family - family I don't get to see nearly enough! (Hi, Uncle Don!)

I love to laugh with these people - and know I've got to do my part in keeping up with them.

Good news is that in the weekend of eating out for every meal - even eating things I would normally not even try (i.e. a bread roll! eeek!) - my band allowed it all - didn't have a single bite stuck or have the need for a pb - and when I went back to the gym last night, I hadn't gained an ounce! I didn't lose any ounces, either - but know that in the past, I would have gained a lot after riding in the car for 15 hours each way - plus eating out every meal.

The weirdest thing was that I took along a box of 100 calorie packs of Oreos and a box of 100 calorie packs of Wheat Thins - along with 3 small snack ziplock packs of brownie bites (each bag contained the equivalent of one regulation size brownie) - and when I pulled into my driveway on Monday night, I had 2 1/2 ziplocks left of brownie bites, the entire box of oreos and 2/3 of the box of Wheat thins left! I realized that I hadn't eaten my way to Indiana and back! Big Wahoo for me!!

4 months and 2 days...

2005-04-10T19:26:00.000-05:00

I was banded 4 months and two days ago.

Today, I hit my -50 pound mark and did 16 laps in the pool to celebrate! Yay!

I love my band!

Compacting...

2005-04-06T22:58:00.000-05:00

Today, I'm two days shy of my 4 month mark - I'm down 46 lbs. as of my last weighing last week and I'm not saying that's not good. It's great! I'm averaging about 11.5 lbs per month - which I know is above average. I also know that almost 40 of those came in the first two months - so I've spent the last two months getting six pounds off. Logically, I know that this is my body saying "WHOA! Slow down a little, I've got to catch up."

Well, I've been told that when you aren't losing as much as you think you should - to measure. That sometimes when you aren't moving as fast down the scales, it could be that your body is just compacting into its new weight.

So tonight, I measured - or rather had my Mom measure me to get a more accurate reading. After adding up all of the inches gone, I've lost a total of 37.5 inches!!

These measurements are the sum of all parts - from neck down. In fact, the neck is the only thing that didn't lose anything. The majority of my losses have been in my tummy (4.5 inches) and my hips (5 inches). Granted, they need to lose the most!! HA!

All in all - four months out - I love my band!!

Tough week - better weekend!

2005-04-02T11:36:00.000-06:00

This has been a crazy week. Very busy at work and this last fill kicked in big time this week! Sunday, I kept trying to eat a bit of ham for Easter - but the band just doesn't like it.

Tuesday, I had 1/2 a chicken strip for lunch before the band rejected it - and then for dinner, I was ok eating my chicken and string beans - but then I just had to have a taste of Alek's Sweet & Sour Shrimp. That one piece sent me to the bathroom PB'ing for an hour or so. NOT fun! I think my hard ol' head has finally allowed my last piece of breaded anything! I spent Wednesday and Thursday doing pretty much a liquid/mushie diet to help appease the throat and band and now feel MUCH better!

I slept in late this morning. Yay!

Then, in an effort to make myself feel like I've really lost some weight here, I started trying on clothes in the closet. I've been hitting garage sales and the $1 sale at Larger than Life for the past few months and have several things that wouldn't come up over these hips.

Today, I was able to actually pull many of them up over the hips AND button and zip them! Some, I could even sit down in!!! (HA!)

I refuse to look at size numbers and get depressed. I have a pair of Size 32 pants on right now - but they are "regular" material with a zipper and buttons - and they FIT! AND - I'm wearing them out of the house when I leave in a few minutes!! They are even white! (I'm usually a believer in the theory that big girls shouldn't wear white pants- not too crazy about the Michellin Man look!)

The 2nd Fill

2005-03-16T12:05:00.000-06:00

I had my second fill today - no big deal.

Dr. M took out the first fill - to make sure it was all still in there - and it was. Yay - no leaks!

Then, he added another 1.6 cc's into the band to come to a total of 4.9 cc's - in a band that holds 10.

Now, it's liquids for a couple of days to get me adjusted to the fill - and then we'll see what I'm able to eat - and not eat. Last time, I learned of my inability to eat scrambled eggs - let's see where this adventure takes us now...

Oh...and this month was 3 lbs down. Total of 43. It was a slow month - but it was DOWN...

My Box

2005-03-04T12:00:00.000-06:00

One of the threads on the Bandlandia Message Boards is about "The Box." It's that place that is unique to each of us - where we retreat to - a place we are safe.

I've been thinking about what my box is like - so here goes...

My box is big – and knows it’s big and doesn’t usually let its size get in the way.

On the outside, my Box is Lucite – slightly opaque – where if you look real hard, you can see glimmers of what is inside.

It has beautiful colors – slightly iridescent so it’s able to blend in with many different décors and settings. It’s lively, quirky, and free-spirited. It’s something that goes well with either being out on display at the center of attention or up against the wall, blending into the surroundings.

The Box used to be the color of the wall paper so it could just hide – but I had some wonderful friends who came into my life to redecorate – for its what they do best – and they were able to show me how much better the Lucite would be if I took off the wallpaper wrapper and let my Box join the rest of the gang – size didn’t matter. They helped me realize that we all have boxes that are a little queer – so we should celebrate that and just BE. So I stripped away that wallpaper and that beautiful Box emerged on September 10, 1995. I remember seeing that Box in a mirror on that day and thinking “Whoa! What Box is that?? Before realizing it was MY Box…

Inside, however, can be a much different story.

The inside of the Box is much like a snowy globe – beautiful scenery at its core, with fairly calm waters cushioning that core – but easily shaken.

Prone to Panic Attacks, I feel like as the Box is shaken, all of those snowflakes are attached to my nerve endings – and they go haywire when shaken. I know the calm will come and I’ll settle down again – but I never know how long it will take to get all of those flakes to settle down and be still again.

However, those snowy globes get sludgy, too. The grime of everyday life in the globe somehow forms and what I call the “Ick Factor” forms and weighs down the flakes, clumping them together – making me want to shove them to the back of the shelf and let others come to the foreground to be seen. (I have almost 60 of these things on my desk – long story for another time…)

My Box has sludge in it, too. It weighs me down and keeps my butt planted instead of out there exercising. It keeps me from going out there and putting that beautiful box on display a lot of the time.

The sludge is leftover from the wallpaper days, I think. It’s what comes along and de-sensitizes those nerve endings and weighs me down into feelings of inadequacy – feelings of ugliness. It’s the things that make me realize that while the beauty is there at the heart of me (the scenery of the snowy globe) – the sludge of my weight, my hair, and my physical problems – cause other people to recoil at times.

I’m now draining the globe – removing the sludge and the flakiness – and leaving behind – in its proper place – a shinier, more stable scene to enjoy. I'm replacing the flakes with glitter - helping add to the shine. I'm replacing the water with a solution that will help with the stability of the contents so that when the box is shaken, the nerves aren't so frantic, but are able to settle at a less frenetic pace.

I know it takes a while to get these things dried out – it’s been wet in there for a very long time.

But now I’ve got a blow dryer – its low wattage, so I know it won’t be done overnight – but I’m on my way…

Fill 'er up!

2005-02-16T11:55:00.000-06:00

Had my first fill today at Dr. Maese's office.

Wow - didn't know what to expect - had been kind of worried about it.

What a waste of energy it was to worry about it - it was NOTHING!

I laid down on a table and Dr. M used a sonogram machine to find the port - then said, "That's it." I said, "That's WHAT?" - and he had already stuck the needle in and put 3.2 cc's of saline in the band and I was done!

Then we walked across the hall to the room with the fluoroscope machine and he took a picture of it to see what kind of restriction I had and we saw the little trickle going through and he gave me a copy of the polaroid picture of the whole thing - so I have something for my scrapbook. If I can get it scanned, I'll put it on here...

All done in about 5 minutes - no fuss, no muss. Easy peasy!

Oh...and down an official 40 lbs.

A smack in the head...

2005-01-05T21:39:00.000-06:00

Two nights ago – at 1:30 in the morning – I fell.

I was trying to get my indoor cat to come indoors. Since we moved into the house, my 10 year old, never been outdoors in his life besides when he was moved from his previous owner’s house to the ASPCA to my house and then to various vets (and one plane ride that I’m sure he would describe only as harrowing) cat – has decided that he loves the confines of our back yard. (At the apartment, he would show some signs of curiosity as to what was behind that door that the new puppy wanted to go through all of the time – but any time it opened, he would scoot away.)

Monday night, while I was unable to sleep, I left the back door open so he and the dog could come and go at will. When I was ready to go to bed, I had to go outside to coax him back in. Mind you, it had been raining and as my foot hit the wooden floor of our living room, my left leg went scooting into the living room while my right leg stayed firmly planted on the mat outside the back door – well, firmly planted until it buckled underneath me in what could only be described as the same sort of half-split I was only ever able to do when I was a child.

In the process, my left hip popped so loudly I wasn’t sure whether the sound of it or the sounds of my wailing would awaken the neighbors. (I was sure it’d be them and not my could-sleep-through-a-firestorm-hubby.) He finally heard me and came running when he saw I was on the floor – half in and half out of the house. After hearing and feeling that pop, I was scared my hip was broken or would be in such pain we’d have to call those firemen he wants to keep me away from (I’m sure that was his fear, too).

Amazingly, I got up just fine and even more amazingly, my hip didn’t hurt at all for the first time in months. (I have what I can only describe as “human hip dysplasia.”)

Although I really smacked my butt on that floor, it was like I got a good head smacking – like one of those “I coulda had a V-8” type of moments – because for the past couple of days, I’ve come to a few realizations in this journey I’ve begun.

I’ve realized that as much as I thought I was ready for this band, I don’t think I was. I’m getting there – but desperately wanting a change and being READY for a change are two different things.

I’ve realized that as much as I’ve read and felt like I knew about the care and feeding of a bandster, I have a lot more to learn.

I’ve realized that I take HUGE bites…and that is something that needs to stop. Just as losing weight is not a race – neither is getting through dinner.

I’ve realized that my “good” food choices are still full of fatty things – which I am now changing. (Thanks to fitday.com for pointing out the fat content in my daily intake.)

I’ve realized that I’ve got to get things out of my refrigerator that are not good for my journey – and if Alek wants them for himself, I’ve got to realize that this is my journey and not his – and I’ve got to know when to say “That’s NOT yours” to myself.

I’ve realized that Alek is more supportive of me than I ever could have asked for.

I’ve realized that I need to find a good therapist/life coach to help me deal with lots of things.

I’ve realized that I’ve got to quit going to get a snack out of habit and then realizing I don’t really want or need it – and then giving it to the dog – or she’s going to need to go see Dr. B for her own band soon.

And most of all, I’ve realized that that fall the other night was the most exercise that I’ve gotten in a long time – and that’s going to change. I have a Bally’s membership that is paid for every month – and I have a group of people who meet every Sunday for a workout with a trainer who can help me find the things that my dysplasia’d hip and I can do.

My journey continues…

THE List

2004-12-29T11:54:00.000-06:00

Ok...I think about this all of the time My list of "NSVs" - Non scale victories. Things I want to be able to do but feel hindered from doing because of the weight.

Now is time to write them down - so we can revisit them from time to time so we can "tick" them off. So here they are...in no particular order. Some are serious - others quite silly - but they are what I think about...

To ride roller coasters again. (Always has been my #1 reason. ha!)
To wear jeans – real zip-up, button at the top blue jeans
To let someone else be behind the camera for once (Of course, this will involve me giving up creative control over the pictures’ composition.)
To be able to scoot the car seat up out of the farthest position
To get on a plane and not have to surreptitiously ask the nearest flight attendant for an extender
To be able to tie my shoes like they were intended to be tied - and not where they are hanging off the side of the shoe for me to step on and untie when I’m exactly where I can’t easily re-tie them. (It’s a visual thing - know that I understand it…)
Have the “challenged” guy on the morning train talk to me (he only speaks to the “pretty girls”) (I know – why would I want the “challenged” guy to talk to me in the first place – it’s just that witty conversation starter he has – “You are so pretty…” )
To be able to buy a ticket on Southwest Airlines without having to worry about whether or not they’ll submit me to the “Armrest Test.” (If it weren’t for the low prices on their flights, I honestly wouldn’t patronize them – since they are so patronizing to overweight people.)
To be able to go into Dillards or Macy’s and buy an outfit that fits right.
To walk into a restaurant and not worry about whether they have tables vs. booths
To be healthy enough to conceive a child, have a healthy pregnancy and birth and then be able to tote and run after that child
To have a major pillow fight with my nephew without getting winded or just giving up ‘cause I have no upper arm strength
To have the energy to work in the yard (Desire to work in the yard is a whole different subject.)
Be thin enough to ride a horse again.
Be thin enough to take a helicopter ride without paying double.
To feel comfortable going out to clubs and concerts without worrying about the stares and seating. (Yes, this is a problem even with DH with me.)
Be able to take a bath vs. a shower at home (without having the bathroom redone to include a garden tub.)
Be able to take a bath in my Mom’s Jacuzzi tub without having my fat legs stop up the return suction.
Be able to get out of the car without moaning and groaning the whole way.
Be able to take the stairs – not only when I have to – but when I just want to!
To not have to get the doctor or nurse to find the “large” BP cuff.
Be able to go on vacation and get the T-shirt – ‘cause it doesn’t matter whether or not the store carries the extended sizes.
To have clothes to bring to a clothing swap that others might be able to actually use
To be thin enough to determine whether or not my hip hurts because of the weight – or because of some other factors.
To be able to not worry about sitting on the floor or the ground for fear that A.) somone will see me attempting to get up, B.) not having something to steady me while I get up or C.) just not be able to get up at all!

I'm sure I'll add to these - but for now, it's a start...

Amazing How Protein Makes You Feel

2004-12-23T10:16:00.000-06:00

Or maybe it's just something besides liquid foods going into my body - but I'm so thankful for things like mashed potatoes, food processed tuna salad, vegetarian refried beans, cottage cheese...

I only had like 350 calories yesterday - but they were wonderful calories that made me feel so much better than all of the soup for the last few days.

Today, I'm going to get my protein up to what I'm supposed to be getting.

I'm trying to keep track of things I've eaten using http://www.fitday.com. It's not quite as good as Weight Watchers' online program in that they don't have as extensive of a database of foods - so if it's not there, you have to either have the label or guess at the information. BUT it does give you an idea of where you are getting your nutrition - the pie charts really help with figuring out the percentage of protein vs. carb vs. fats. You can track your weight and exercise there, too.

2 week Post-Op Visit

2004-12-22T20:15:00.000-06:00

I went for my visit with Dr. B today - he said I'm healing beautifullyand that the gas and nausea are something that many people feel andthat it WILL go away.

Hope so!!I didn't even have a chance to ask him about the mushies - he just said to go ahead and start to introduce them in .... YAY!!!

I hadmashed taters for dinner. Amazing - before I could eat about 3/4 ofthe pan - tonight, I had about 1/3 cup - and was FULL.

I've lost 18 lbs since my pre-op visit - and 35 since the day I beganthe Myocel regimen pre-op. I know this pace won't continue - but it's a good leap start!

It's Snowing!!

2004-12-22T10:46:00.000-06:00

Whoa! It's snowing! It could actually be a white Christmas here!! Ok...it's Texas - so it'll probably be 80 degrees on Saturday! HA!

Today is day 14 after surgery - am supposed to be going to the doctor this afternoon - but who knows if they'll stay open if the weather gets TOO bad. I really need to see him, though.

Last night was a little better with the nausea - it seems to really hit when I'm walking or being active. This is NOT good. It's supposed to be the opposite.

I still believe that if I were able to eat some protein - as opposed to drinking it - that I would feel better. (Mainly because I'm not really drinking it, either - since I can't stand it any more.)

I am anxious to see what - if anything - I've lost.

(It's funny - people keep walking up and looking at me like "When's it going to fall off?" HA! It's a SLOOoooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww process. I didn't get this way overnight and it's not going to go overnight. BUT, at least this time it's going to GO!

Big Ball of Ick...

2004-12-21T10:54:00.000-06:00

I love mornings - I feel great every morning - but about 3 pm every afternoon, the gas bubbles up and by the end of the evening I'm just a big ball of ICK! Is this normal?

As advised, I went walking to try to get rid of the gassies - walked through PetSmart - and Tuesday Morning.

Tuesday Morning is where I got so sick I thought I'd throw up. The little cashier asked if I needed an ambulance. (I don't think I looked THAT bad - I think she just wanted a little excitement for the front of the store...)

I don't know if I really feel that nauseated - or if I'm just so frightened of throwing up and messing something up that I freak myself out about it.

I do have my 2 week followup with Dr. B tomorrow - hopefully, he will help me put a finger on what's going on.

1 week out...

2004-12-15T20:22:00.000-06:00

Today I've been banded for one whole week.

No, I don't know how much I've lost. I'll find that out on Sunday when I go to the BandBuddies Support Group Meeting.

For having had surgery last week, this has sure been a busy week!

I spent most of the first few days laying in the recliner and going "ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!" I did get out a couple of times.

Friday, I went with my Mom to get a recipe book at the kitchen store at the local outlet mall. As I was walking gingerly through the store, the sales clerk asked me if I was ok. I proceeded to tell her about the surgery and all. She told me that the manager at the front had had the RNY (Bypass) and had lost 160 lbs. As I was checking out, she told the manager about it. Manager asked me when I had it done and when I said "Wednesday" (and this was 2 days later), she dropped the stack of things that she was arranging. HA! She said she'd been through about 4 different surgeries since the big one to "fix" things. She was happy with her choice, though. I'm happy with mine, too. I may not get there as fast as she did - it took her about 16 months - but I'll get there, too.

Sunday, I went to church in the morning and then Sunday evening, I went for a little shopping with Alek and Mama to look for an area rug for the living room. Very happy with Home Depot and The Great Indoors. They had those motorized carts there and I took advantage of each of them. I never could have made it through those stores that night walking.

Monday, I spent most of the day here, but then I went to my first Bandlandia support group meeting. What fun! Cynthia really has a great group going there and I'm so happy to be a part of it.

Tuesday, I spent the day here waiting for furniture to be delivered and the appliance repairman to show up. Quick note - if you move to Plano and your dishwasher doesn't work, let me know. I might be able to save you a $55 service call. UGH! $55 to flip a switch! You know - that switch on the wall that goes to nothing...that you can flip on and off all day and it does nothing. Well, mine goes to the Dishwasher!!

Tuesday night, we went to dinner with our Community group from church. I really am enjoying these people. It's quite a fun group! This Saturday we've adopted a family for Christmas and are taking the kids to The Main Event.

Today, I went out for my Laser Hair Removal treatment and then went for a little bit of shopping. My friend Dee Dee and I went to Big Lots, Target and Toys R Us. (Ugh!) I got to shop for the 3 year old in our adopted family. I shouldn't be allowed out with the checkbook for that type of shopping trip when I haven't done ANY holiday shopping yet. I kinda went crazy with it all! Oh well!

Tomorrow, I go back to work at the office. It's going to be a long day - our Christmas party is tomorrow night, too. I'm going to drive in to work, though, so if I need to at different times, I can go to the garage and sleep for a bit in the car. I'm not sure when I'll rest again....maybe New Year's....

I'm a Bandster!

2004-12-11T10:26:00.000-06:00

Ok...sorry this is a little late for those of you who watch this page.

I was banded on Wednesday, December 8. I was there bright and early at 8 am and by 9 am, they had me back in the back, getting ready.

As usual, it took about 4 sticks to get my IV going - and I have about 3 lovely bruises to show for it.

One of my pastors - Kyung - was there to be with Alek and my Mom before I went in and came back and prayed with us prior to surgery. Definitely helped calm me down a bit after being the human pincushion. (I really need to write about our new church some day - can't remember if I have. It's awesome!)

The Anesthesiologist came in and put something in the IV and I remember my head falling back, Mama asking me if I was feeling it and that's it.

I woke up about 11 am - wondering if they had done it already.

Then, it was a waiting game. My back hurt like hell, my mouth was super dry and I wanted out of that bed. I was the surgeon's only surgery that day, so he went back to his office during my recovery to meet with patients - and while I should have been out of there around 2 or so, it was almost 4:15 pm before he could get back to review my post-op x-ray. I couldn't take a drink or any pain meds until he did that.

My back STILL doesn't feel right. BUT, I usually have referred pain to my back. So, while my tummy and front don't hurt that much, my back is killing me. This may be a blessing - but I'm not too sure right now.

Now, for the statistics. As I went into surgery, after 3 weeks on the Myocel and lean meat and 1-2 carbs per day, I had lost 21.5 lbs.

Someday, I'll be comfortable letting people know where my starting point is - but for now, just know I'm already a loser. I've been told that as I'm able to add real food to my diet in a couple of weeks - right now I'm on nasty broth and yogurt and water and protein drinks - I'll gain some - if not all of that back - since I'll have no restriction in my band. I hope I can keep from doing that - but will not be too disappointed if that happens. I know that this is a process - not a race. I'm going to get there - it just won't be tomorrow. It will be a healthy, steady process!

I'm already a loser!

2004-12-06T23:30:00.000-06:00

Went in today for my pre-op in anticipation of Wednesday's banding.

I realized I've lost a lot of things in these past three weeks on Myocel.

1. I've lost my desire for Diet Colas. I haven't had one in three
weeks (and we're talking about a gal who had at LEAST 50 oz per day!)!

2. I've lost my wondering about not only IF I can do a three week
diet that has liquids as a major part of it, but also if it was really
necessary. I've discovered that I CAN do it - and stick to it
faithfully - but have also discovered that it may be necessary for the
purposes of shrinking the liver for the doc, but it's also been
necessary for shrinking my mind's focus on food. If I'd have been
able to eat "whatever" up 'til tomorrow night, I think that the next
few weeks of liquids would have been MUCH harder to take.

3. I'm sure there's more I've lost in the last three weeks - but most
importantly for me, I've lost 17 lbs already!! (Granted, I have a lot
more to lose than most of you...)

So there....I'm Liz. I'm a Loser! And I'm PROUD!

I have a date!!!

2004-12-01T11:18:00.000-06:00

Surgery is FINALLY scheduled for December 8, 2004!!

With Dr. Benavides at the Surgery Center of Richardson.

Gotta be there at 6:30 AM - for this, I think I can get up early!!

Discoveries

2004-11-30T16:17:00.000-06:00

In the past week or so, I have discovered:

1. That I can survive Thanksgiving without eating mashed potatoes, yams and corn. I can also survive the day without eating that late night left-over turkey sandwich.

2. That I can make all sorts of things with the Vanilla Myocel and not hate it! I love it with frozen blueberries, frozen peaches, frozen cherries, low carb grape juice, generally, any frozen fruits.

3. That I shovel food into my mouth very quickly. OMG! How big my bites are just scare me! I have become so aware of the fact that once I get to the mushies and the solids, I'm going to have to be extra careful of the size of my bites. I know about the chew, chew, chew! But this is going to be more of an issue!

Myocel

2004-11-18T13:33:00.000-06:00

Today is the day I start my Myocel. It's part of the liquid diet I'll have to follow for a few weeks pre- and post-op.

It's really not as bad as I imagined. (Ask me again in two weeks how I'm feeling about that!)

I get a "regular" breakfast - this morning I had FF Yogurt and Cheerios. (I can choose 2 servings between yogurt, fruit, cereal, toast, bagels, waffles, muffins, eggs, or oatmeal.)

I'll have the Myocel mixed with skim milk and blueberries for lunch.

Then I'm planning on a Chicken breast for dinner with some steamed broccoli.

For dessert, I'll get another Myocel shake. Don't know the mix-in yet - but I'll figure something out.

"Last Meal Syndrome"

2004-11-17T13:40:00.000-06:00

Ever since I found out the surgery has been approved, I kept thinking about the things I wanted to eat - those things that they say can be a problem for bandsters.

Ribeye steak was #1 on my list. Pasta was a close second.

I gave myself the 6 days between hearing about approval and getting started on the Myocel tomorrow to have a few things that I thought I might never eat again.

I also told myself I didn't want to go crazy with it! No need to pack on a few more pounds with the humongous amount I already have to lose.

Last Friday, the office had lunch brought in and it was pasta - so that took care of that meal. I had a little of the spaghetti and manicotti they had and that was it.

Over the weekend, eating was crazy since it was moving time - and I honestly can't remember much of what we ate. It was definitely not indicative of "last meal syndrome" since I ate several things that I will be able to eat when banded - mexican, chinese veggies and the like.

Monday night, I went to the Chinese buffet and had my last Sesame Balls - I don't know how those things would EVER go through the stoma.

Tuesday night, I wanted my ribeye. Alek and I got to Salt Grass for dinner and I was determined that I wanted a whole 16 oz-er to myself. But when I sat down, I thought, WHY? So, he and I shared the 16 oz steak - and he even had enough to take to lunch the next day!

Yesterday, I didn't have anything out of the ordinary. Bought french fries twice and probably had 3 fries out of each batch.

I am ready for this! BRING IT ON!

BandBuddies Luncheon

2004-11-14T00:28:00.000-06:00

I went to lunch today with a lot of new friends!

We all met at Aparicio's and I got to meet so many of the people who have created these networks of support for banded people - and unbanded people who are researching the band.

What a great group of people!

APPROVED!!

2004-11-11T18:10:00.000-06:00

Called the insurance company to see if anything had been decided...the surgery has officially been APPROVED!!!

Now...if only I can stand the wait between now and when Dr. B makes his decision as to whether or not I'm a candidate...and if I'm not, I just don't want to think about it.

Winter Shoes....Blah!

2004-11-11T10:12:00.000-06:00

Another reason I want to lose weight - winter shoes.

Summer shoes - I can slip them on and head out the door.

This morning, in the cold, I couldn't even bend my left leg to tie my winter shoe. Ugh

Loving Bandlandia!

2004-11-09T15:34:00.000-06:00

Have I said enough about Cynthia Jones and Bandlandia? She's such a peach!

After my frustration rant the other day, she contacted me and then contacted the Doctor's insurance department to help nudge them along. Of course, they still didn't have my H.Pylori test - that I had done back in September - nor the nutritional assessment - that I had done in October.

With Cynthia's help, I was able to put the nutritionist in contact with the doctor's office to get the report sent out to them - and was able to get the word out to them (as I had told them in early October) that I had already had the H.Pylori test done.

Again....I feel back on track. I may drive everyone crazy from this point 'til the date of surgery, but I'm determined not to fall through any office cracks again!!

Frustration...

2004-11-04T15:37:00.000-06:00

I am getting so frustrated with this whole "approval" process. I feel like there are obstacles EVERYwhere between me and getting the band and having a chance at life.

The insurance company wants A, B and C - I get them A, B, and C - and have D, E and F ready for them just in case they decide that it is needed...but I can't even determine that because it seems like I am the last person on any doctor's list of patients to take care of.

I had the issues in the summer with "falling through the cracks" at one doctor's office - and now, I can't get ANYONE to return my calls from the new doctors' offices. I am not belligerant when I call - I'm actually quite pleasant and even-tempered. I get the things that they've called to say the insurance company is requesting and have them submitted ASAHP - the latest being a nutritional evaluation that was completed on October 19th and submitted to the surgeon's office that week - and yet no follow-up has been given to the insurance company yet.

I realize that the one doctor has "6000 patients" - and I'm only one - but sometimes I wonder if some higher being is telling me to forget about it.

But I don't want to forget about it. I want to live. I want to move. We are in the middle of this move to our new house and I can barely do anything. I can paint the middle of the walls, but if it is too high up, I can't climb on the ladder - I'm about 100 lbs too heavy for its weight limit - and I can't get down on the floor to do the lower walls and baseboards unless I'm there by myself so no one can see me rolling on the floor because that's the only way I can move down there. And forget about getting up with any modicum of grace.

I can't stand long enough to pack boxes in the kitchen at the apartment and I have no strength to really be of any help to my husband and anyone else working on getting everything together. I just feel like I want to go to bed and wake up when it's all over with - except for the fact that I'd be sitting in an empty apartment in a bed that no one could move because I was the one in it.

To Do List for the Day

2004-11-02T11:01:00.000-06:00

VOTE!

More on the house

2004-11-01T21:51:00.000-06:00

Whew...I've always dreaded this part of homeownership - finding something wrong with the place and realizing you can't call "management." I AM management!

Seriously, we're very lucky with the house - most of it is in great shape. The sellers did do an amazing job of camoflaging a few things - like a fire wall in the fireplace that needs to be replaced but was covered up with a big fern - holes in the walls that were covered up with big paintings. Both should be easily fixed - the walls already are.

We got the new flooring put in - laminate wood flooring throughout the house - except the bathrooms - and it makes it look so much bigger!

We ordered our new living room furniture today - on sale - YAY! We're getting denim furniture. With the colors we've chosen, it will be beautiful.

We've been painting today - and will again on Wednesday. We're taking a day off tomorrow for our church community group and some packing. Wednesday evening, we'll hit it again.

We dit it!!

2004-10-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

We have closed on our first home!! Alek & I are SO excited and can't wait to get in there and get painting and setting it up to be our very own.

It's a great little 3 bedroom home with 2 baths, 2 car garage and a lovely backyard for Sabine to play in. Yay!!

We've made our downpayments, given notice at our Apartment complex and are pricing flooring companies to come in and put down the laminate flooring we want.

Whew....the next month is going to be CRAZY!

Nutritional Assessment

2004-10-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

Had my NA today - very helpful. Never thought I'd actually consider tofu as a protein source - but Alice made it sound very appetizing.

I've been practicing chewing and not drinking with dinner - so that has been good. One thing I'd never thought of - but will definitely be putting into practice more now is thinking not about "What do I want to eat" but more "What does my body want to eat." Many times, these are VERY different things!!

Armen's Journal

2004-10-18T14:14:00.000-05:00

October 9, 2004 entry from our friend Armen. Always wondered why we got along so well...almost everything on his list matches my own philosphy...guess that explains it.

Journal

Got a call...

2004-10-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

Geez, it's been so long since I posted. I've kind of gotten off track waiting for the banding while looking for a new house.

Oh well, it's gotten my mind off of sitting by the phone waiting for insurance and the docs to get their things together.

I got a call this morning from Dr. Benavides' (the surgeon) office - Penny - who said the insurance company wants "just two more things." The H-Pylori test - which Dr. Maese had already ordered, and a nutritional consult. I'm going to call Cynthia at Bandlandia to see how soon that can be done.

Wow...by Thanksgiving I could be banded!!

Ramblings for a Thursday...

2004-09-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

Well, Cynthia at Bandlandia sent my info to Dr. Maese's office to get set up with him last week and I had my first appointment with him yesterday.

What a quaint office - quite a drive from Plano to Ferris - but he's opening an office in Dallas next week, so I'll not have to make that drive again. (Although, it almost felt like going to the doctor's office when I was a kid - to a country doctor who saw just about everybody for everything. I loved it - minus the fact that the A/C wasn't working.

While driving down to Ferris, I was listening to voice mail and there was a message from Holly at Dr. J's office - letting me know that she had read on my file that I had some problems with the insurance people in the office and was wanting to talk to me to hopefully get my business back. Now, Holly and Natalie are the only two in that office that I've felt comfortable with in this whole process - and I will call her to talk to her about the whole thing so maybe someone else won't have the experience I've had. For anyone reading this who is considering Dr. J, I never questioned his abilities. I believe he is an excellent surgeon. I just want to know I can trust who is giving me my aftercare...and with the craziness that I had to deal with over the last few months made me not trust it for me. I'm not sure I want to be my doctor's "business." I want to be a patient. I believe that there IS a difference.

Anyways....I met with Dr. Maese yesterday and am completely confident that he and I will get along after surgery by Dr. Benavides. He was going to dictate my letter within 24 hours of my visit and have it transcribed and out to the insurance company soon.

He said that they would use the 11 inch band on me...and gave me hope....and the cardinal rules for his practice - 1. Visit his office 1 x per month for the first 6 months after surgery and 2. If there's any time I can't swallow, have extreme pb's, etc. I am to be in his office at 8 the next morning.

I can follow that...

I feel like I'm on the road again!

FIRED

2004-09-08T13:35:00.000-05:00

I fired my surgeon today.

After all that time and effort to get them to write the letter of medical necessity - they didn't even include the psych eval OR my BMI (of all things to forget), in my letter.

SO....I won't be getting my September 20th day - and I'll have to find another surgeon.

I've got a distress call out to the wonderful folks at Bandlandia to help me find a new surgeon.

And I'm sitting here trying to calm down and do some work so I don't get fired, myself.

The Good News...

2004-09-02T17:14:00.000-05:00

The good news is that as long as I hear something in the next day or two - and that something is "Yes, we approve your surgery" - I will be able to have the September 20th surgery date. Right now, they have only 1 procedure scheduled for that day, and they do up to 10 in one day. SO, I am keeping the faith and hoping against hope....

My little ol' heart....

2004-08-27T23:58:00.000-05:00

Got GREAT news from Dr. Bavikati regarding all of those heart tests.

She called while I was out this evening to let me know that my tests revealed no threat of cardiac disease at all. She said that the tests show that I have less than 1% chance of having a heart attack at this point in life and that I should have no cardiac problems during surgery.

Makes me feel so good!!!

Matters of the Heart

2004-08-27T17:50:00.000-05:00

Thursday and Friday of this week I got to go through the Nuclear Stress Test to determine if my heart was "up to" surgery.

What an experience! I was on a two day protocol, so it was two mornings of getting up and going in to be a human pincushion!

Wednesday, I was not allowed to have any caffeine, decaf or chocolate. Chocolate was easy - not having my Diet Coke was not so swift! But I made it.

Thursday, I had an 8 am appointment. I got there and they had to put an IV line in and then hook me up to all of the electrodes. Then I had to get on a treadmill and walk uphill to get my heart rate up to 156. I made it to 145 before I just couldn't go any more.

Since I couldn't hit the target, they had to give me this medicine that simulates a fast heart rate. Let me tell you, it is the weirdest thing to be sitting still and begin getting dizzy, getting short of breath and having your heart pump and chest tighten. As promised, though, 30 seconds after they stopped putting the medicine in, the effects stopped. (It was a 4 minute test.)

Two minutes into that 4 minute test, they injected the nuclear isotopes into my blood. Those, I never felt.

After that, I had to get dressed and go have a fatty meal. Gotta love a doctor who prescribes a milkshake with your meal! I went out and had a Sonic burger and shake - and then took a nap in my car.

I had to be back at 10:45 for the Machine. The Machine consists of a table that is literally about a foot wide - so you feel like you are laying on one of those gymnastic balance beams. You have to lay on this thing for 15 minutes - completely still - with your arms above your head. All the while you are laying still, this apparatus is closing in on you, taking pictures of your heart. (The isotopes help them see the walls of the heart by bouncing around in the chambers and help give the definition that the Machine needs...or at least that's the way I understood it.)

I finished up around 11:45 for the day and went to work.

This morning, my appointment was at 9 am and when I tried to leave the apartment at 8:30, I couldn't find my keys. Major panic - and finally, gave up and called my brother who just happened to be working at a hospital in Plano today. (He had confiscated our extra set of keys a few weeks ago and hadn't brought them back...) So, he left the job site to come pick me up - took me to Steak N Shake, since I had to have one of those prescribed milkshakes again and didn't have a way to go get them, and took me to the HeartPlace.

Today, I didn't have to do the treadmill test. I just had to have the IV threaded - which was a major task - and then the isotopes put in. It took at least 7 sticks in these veins for them to get a good one. Amazingly, none of them bruised. Then, it was out to eat my burger and drink my shake. That waiting room was soooo cold, I finally asked for a blanket - since I had to be out there for an hour and 45 minutes before I could be put on The Machine. I fell asleep and woke up to Brian's call telling me he was through with the job and would come pick me up. It was perfect timing - he had time to get there and eat his lunch in his van while I was on The Machine.

I got to work about 1 pm today...now just to wait for the results. I'm sure they are ok...

MAJOR Frustration

2004-08-26T16:41:00.000-05:00

Somedays I wish for the days of college when we would all go outside during exam time and just have "primal scream time" when we would yell at the top of our lungs just to get some of the stress off of our backs!!

I called the insurance company again today and they said that they still hadn't received a letter from my surgeon!

So, I called the surgeon's office and sure enough - that person temporarily in charge of insurance (thankfully, they have a new one now) was still going on the "you need a drug screen." UGH! I explained to them two weeks ago that the "Drug screen" just needed to be a part of the psych eval stating I was not alcoholic or addicted to drugs. They have now faxed my letter to the insurance company - so hopefully, we'll have an OK by this time next week - and then maybe a surgery date by the end of September. IF I'm lucky.

Yay hooray!!

2004-08-20T15:21:00.000-05:00

Alek got a job!! He started yesterday and is really enjoying it! It's so good to see him smiling again.

He's working at CompuCom in Dallas - near Forest and 75 - so we'll most likely start looking for a house closer in to Dallas and not try to go to Fort Worth. His commute would be just too much on the trains and busses.

All that time we've been looking at houses over there in HEB and Ft. Worth - and being upset about not being able to afford them - we're lucky we aren't going over there! I would still like to be closer to Brian and Donna and Matthew, but we may be where we are supposed to be for now. (I've always been a believer in the philosophy that God has 3 answers to questions - Yes, No and "Not right now".) Maybe getting a house for us is in that "not right now" category.

Another Day...A Better Feeling

2004-08-17T12:01:00.000-05:00

Just spoke with the office manager - Nancy - at Dr. J's office. Feel MUCH better about everything. I just had to make sure we were all on the same page now.

Now, I just need to write a letter to my insurance people so I will be able to let them know how I feel about the whole process. (The Insurance rep suggested this.)

Insurance Requirements...yet again.

2004-08-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit frustrated with the surgeon's office. They seem to have lost an insurance person and I'm not sure the new person konws what needs to be done for the letter of medical necessity! Ugh!

I was NOT happy with her on Friday. What she got out of the conversation with the Insurance Co was that I had to spend 6 more months being on a diet from my doc's office and I had to have a drug test to show I'm not addicted to cocaine or any other illegal drugs. When I called to question the insurance company, they told me that the letter from the surgeon (for medical necessity) had to indicate that a doctor had been monitoring my weight for more than 6 months and that my psych eval had to indicate that I had no documented drug or alcohol addictions. What a difference!!

I'm trying to get all of my records faxed to the surgeon's office so I can talk to them again tomorrow - and hopefully get this started again.

Now that I know that my insurance company will only take up to 5 days to get an answer out to us, I know that the ball was dropped elsewhere and hopefully we can get it rolling in the right direction now.

My Endocrinologist...

2004-08-12T17:21:00.000-05:00

I went to see Dr. Lahkian today. She had asked me once before if I had ever thought about WLS - but I had only heard of the bypass and was - and still am - against it for me. I thought she'd be happy about the Lap Band...but she could only give me the negatives and failure rates associated with it.

I know I need to hear what could happen - both good and bad - but I thought she'd be more supportive. I still love her! She's one of the best docs I have ever had.

I was not happy with my blood sugar count - when I went in last week it was up to 126. I've been taking the glucophage for over a year now, and it just seems like my blood sugar just goes up and up. I was happy to hear that when I have the surgery, I will be getting off the medication on the day of surgery - then we'll see where I am in December.

If I never have to buy another one of those bottles of pills again, I'll be happy!

Wow....never thought I'd say THAT!

2004-08-11T02:16:00.000-05:00

Was chatting with a dear old friend today about the band. She had the RNY Bypass a few years ago, so she understands some of the "insurance anticipation" feelings I'm having - along with some of the thoughts of "I'll never really be able to eat this or that again."

In our discussion, I came to the realization that I honestly don't care if I never get to eat a ribeye steak after getting my band - and if rice is something I can't tolerate, then so be it! I just want to be healthier and happier!!

This Roller Coaster I'm On....Or Back to the Banding

2004-08-09T19:07:00.000-05:00

It's been a week or so since my last confession.....oops, wrong spot.

The last week or so has been a big period of ups and downs in this journey - mostly dealing with Insurance and who covers what - and what all they require in order TO cover it. Ugh! I just want it to be done.

I had to cancel my Nuclear Stress Test last week and have it rescheduled for the 18th and 19th of this month. I'm hoping that the insurance company will come through for me before then - and then when we get the stress test results back to Dr. Jay, we'll be able to set a surgery date - which I'm hoping will be September 20th.

More on Sabine

2004-08-03T11:23:00.000-05:00

They aren't sure exactly what caused her to get sick - but feel like it was a bacterial infection of some sort. They scared me when they threw out the "Parvo" word on Saturday, but they were able to rule that out. Thank God! (Evidently they can still get it even when they have had all of their vaccines.) Dr. Carver told me that we did the right thing, though, in bringing her in when we did 'cause he was able to catch it early and keep her from going through a really rough time.

When I went to pick her up yesterday, she literally leapt up in my arms and gave me a good five minutes of kisses. She was still kind of tuckered out - but you could tell she was so glad to be back home. She'd go from my lap in the recliner to her favorite place laying on the back of the couch with her nose poked through the blinds.

I was able to sleep last night knowing that she was back there with us.

My little Sabine

2004-07-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me, know I have two "kids." My 10 year old boy is a big ol' 18 lb cat named Barton. I've had him for 7 of those years, and he's just a sweetie.

My other kiddo is a 1 year old Schnug - 1/2 Schnauzer, 1/2 Pug - named Sabine - and she is just the light of my life. This week, she's been sick and when I took her in to the vet today, they had to keep her there - put her on IV fluids for 48 hours because she was so dehydrated. I knew she was sick when she let Dr. Carver hold her. (She has a love-hate relationship with him most of the time.) They are trying to rule out different things...hopefully she will be better soon. I don't know what I'd do without her...

The Wonderful People at Bandlandia

2004-07-29T13:42:00.000-05:00

Bandlandia - Your Complete "Living with the Lap-Band" Solution!

Just had to make a quick note about Cynthia Jones and the people at Bandlandia. If you are in the DFW area and don't know about them - they are a GREAT resource for Bandsters and people who are looking into getting the band.

They amaze me more and more with every call!

The Psych Eval (or "I'm Really not Crazy)

2004-07-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

Had my psych evaluation this morning - took a little less than an hour. Had to just talk about why I want to go though this, family history, who is my support system, etc.

Easy as pie. (The hardest thing was the mental stability part where I had to count down from 36 to 1 by 7's.)

I have now been declared a "good candidate" for the surgery - at least on a mental level. We all know that I'm a good candidate on a Physical level.

Once again, my boobs are too big...

2004-07-26T20:31:00.000-05:00

I went for the stress test today, but my boobs were too "tissue-y" for me to get one done the normal way. Figures. (I think they were just being nice and not saying "You're too fat for this test.")

I have to go in next week for a "Two day protocol Nuclear Stress Test." Somehow, I feel like there are lots of $$$ involved with that kind of test - I sure hope insurance covers it...since they have to get permission from the Nuclear regulatory commission (or something like that) for the isotopes that they will be putting in my veins. I think I'm scared of this....but know it will just get me to the surgery faster. (Note that the surgery doesn't scare me - but the test does!) go figure!

Insurance Requirements

2004-07-22T15:25:00.000-05:00

Just got a call from Dr. Jay's office. My insurance (Definity Health) requires me to get a psych evaluation and a letter of medical necessity. So, now I have a To-Do list...

Get CBC and Chem-7 Results from Dr. Nguyen.
Go for Stress Test - Scheduled for July 26 at the HeartPlace.
Get letter of Medical Necessity - Dr's office takes care of that.
Psych Eval with Natalie Cook - July 28 at 9 am.

All is on the road for a go...with work and all that is going on here, I'm shooting for September 20th as my day for the surgery and taking that week and maybe a day or two after that off for "me" time.

Today it starts

2004-07-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

Alek and I went to see Dr. Jayaseelan today for the first time. He will be the surgeon who will perform my lap-band surgery.

I'm so excited about the whole procedure!! Now I just have to wait for insurance to approve and for the few tests he wants to run. I have to have a Exercise Stress Echocardiogram test and get him my most recent CBC and Chem-7 tests.